Originally written on : 29th Dec 2009
It was bright. Sunshine all around. A morning as fresh as the dew in it. I could feel the cool breeze in my hair. On my face. Inside me. Stirring warmth. I took a deep breath. I could smell the trees around.
We were walking together. On this peaceful morning. On the golden bridge. We weren’t holding hands, but we knew we could. And still it didn’t seem necessary. His presence by my side, walking together, was more than what I had ever wanted.
I gazed into the sun. It was beautiful. I could see people around and I wondered for the umpteenth time, how would their lives be? Do they feel what I feel? Can they be sad and happy at the same time? Cry and laugh at the same time? Be silent on the surface but scream inside at the same time?
I was lost in these thoughts. I saw him walking past by me. I wanted to call out his name. But somehow nothing came out of my throat. I stopped there looking at him. The every inch of distance that was increasing between us while he was walking ahead, I felt maybe everything was just an illusion.
I looked at the water below. Calm. Cold. Inviting.
I could hear it say “I can fix it all for you”. It was deep and placid. It was holding up everything to me that would bring me the peace. The silence. The relief.
I looked at him again. He was walking. Into the sunlight. With the breeze. If he could just turn around and smile at me..I waited.
I turned back. And now I was flying. I was a bird. Just that I didnt need to flap my wings. I could comfortably ignore all the noises. I had a smile. I could hear the wind in my ears. It sounded cheerful. My hair was flying. My legs were beating up against the wind. My hands stretched. Every cell in my body felt that invigorating exhilaration. The joy and the serenity.
And I could see it all blue. It was cold. Cold to the extent that it could cut my bones. But I didn’t want to leave it. I wanted to go deeper. It was soothing. I wanted to go further. Push down a little bit more. Suddenly I became lighter. Floating up as if somebody was pulling me. But I couldn’t see who. I couldn’t feel the hold. I kept rising higher and higher.
Then I opened my eyes. It was bright.