Now when I look back and think, I realize that I usually experience life in, more or less, two ways or phases. One is where I don’t have time to think and I keep going with the flow, getting things done in hand and in general just doing what is required to survive another day. Time flies by and it feels I just skipped decades and landed where I am now.
Then there are some days when I am living my life the other way – where I think, I reflect, connect with myself, take time to absorb things around me and make some conscious changes, make new goals and start working towards them. I am able to look at each day, experience it and feel the time.
These two ways keep alternating. Of course, the second way hands me more satisfaction in general. It makes me feel alive. Whenever the first way hits me, I don’t realize it in the beginning. Only when it has been too long of feeling lost and “going nowhere” is when I realize that I hit the ‘Fast-Track’. It feels like I was asleep for too long and have just woken up with a jolt! Then begins the effort of going back to way-2. Sometimes it takes weeks! Days pass by in haze and I start to feel helpless because I know where I want to be but I am not working towards it. And the piling to-do lists don’t help either.
The faster I come back to my way-2, the better I feel. I have also realized, that coming back to way-2 is NOT a matter of chance. It is not ‘it will happen when it will happen’. It has to be a conscious decision every time. Conscious decision of pushing back the demons that stop you from thinking and taking time out. Demons like procrastination, laziness, poor time management and many more. We all have excuses. We all are ‘too busy’. But no one will hand out your own time for your own self. One has to make it.
This means we need to live life consciously. Be conscious of the way we are spending each day. Yes, there will be times when life seems to be too chaotic and all this reconnecting with self stuff feels distant and impossible. But it is equally important to be conscious of this chaos and not being lost in it. It becomes important to be patient and yet at the same time striving to find the balance again. It is like being caught in a current but also constantly making efforts to swim to the shore. Yes, it is hard but it is necessary to prevent oneself from drowning and getting lost.
Many a lives are spent mindlessly and with regrets of not being able to do things more wisely and with more thought. Let’s try our best of not being one of ‘those’ lives!