What I Love…

…About Myself!

I wrote this a few yeas ago, during one of my ecstatic moods. Now when I read it, it almost sounds narcissistic (and childish) to me ūüôā But nevertheless, once in a while, when I find myself surrounded by too many questions and feel like I am losing it, ¬†these lines serve as a reminder that I was/am this girl who takes joy in the simplest pleasures of life! Smallest of the things can make you feel alive in a big way. So cheer up and get back to your dreamworld! ūüėÄ

I love my coffee.
I love my morning cup of tea.
And I love my French omlette.
I love  how leaves falling on me from a tree can make me smile.
I love when I sing to myself and can feel that zing in my feet.
I love the glint in my eyes and the chirpiness on my face when I see a squirrel playing around.
I love when I do a litle mischief of my own.
I¬†love¬†when¬†I¬†write and¬†I¬†know that this is solely for me, as¬†I’m at my truest self.
I love when I sketch.
I love when I gaze at the night sky and into the stars and feel like I wanna fly. And when I talk to the moon.
I love my eyes when they do the talking and I love my smile.
I¬†love¬†when¬†I¬†say “I’m so cute!”.
(After much thought on whether I should post this or not, I went ahead anyway :D)

Almost..

Even though he lived next door, I could never speak to him. Maybe I was just too nervous, too shy. His graceful fluidity of movements and poise captivated me in ways I couldn’t grasp. The one time I mustered enough courage to talk to him, I knew this memory would last me a lifetime.

I returned from my internship that summer to find that he had moved out. I knew I would search for him. I tried for an year and gave up. Three years later, I saw him at the subway. I didn’t realize how fast I dashed towards him. He instantly recognized me and I felt I had found everything! We stood there talking, not really knowing what to talk about. The world around me just melted away and time stood still. Then she came along and put her hand on his arm. He said, “Meet Janet, my wife”.

Tulip In The Desert

There was dew, there was mist, there was fresh fragrance in the air,
of the morning, of the sunshine, of the tulip fair.
There was hope, there was joy, there were dreams in her eyes,
of a lovely morning, of the soft bed of grass, of the beautiful sunshine.
 
She could lay there forever, lay there in her world of dreams.
Feel the breeze on her face as her bright yellow gleams.
Unfazed by the winds, receiving it with her open arms,
playing with the humming birds and the bees, she could lay there forever, lay there in her bliss.
 
Her heart was surging with her boundless energy,
she could just leap and drown into that awaiting fantasy.
She was ready to open her eyes and greet the world,
and let her hope and her grace truly unfold.
 
And there she opened her eyes, slowly at first, eager to be swept off her feet.
So eager that she barely noticed the blinding sunlight hitting her face.
She felt a little prickled, but shrugged it off. After all it takes some time to get used to it.
She tried again, squinting and batting her lashes, wondering why this feels like a struggle.
 
She succeeded, she could now see and she looked around with a smile.
It was all bright and white and above there was a dry blue sky.
Oh but wait, where is the soft bed of grass soaked in the dew?
and the butterflies waiting for her and the morning new.
 
Where are the other tulips that promised to be there.
The bees and the birds she could see no where.
She looked around and couldn’t believe what she saw.
Miles of sand flowing to the horizon and the heat that could gnaw.
 
Wasn’t it obvious that she wasn’t supposed to be here?
This must be a mistake, she was sure she was planted elsewhere.
Oh maybe this is just a nightmare, and it shall be over with the sleep.
Once she really wakes up, she will be where she should be.

She closed her eyes tightly, praying to really wake up this time.
Thinking how silly nightmares could get hold of you sometimes.
But there was still fear lurking in her heart.
She couldn’t understand why it was beating so hard!

She looked around again, and to her horror, nothing had changed!
She could not hold her scream and her eyes were filled with pain.
It began to dawn on her, the scorching sun and the dry blowing wind.
That this is all true and that she is alone in this chagrin.
 
She helplessly looked around and screamed out a “WHY?”
She found no answers and no signs of life.
Why was she destined to be in a place where she didn’t belong?
Where there was no one to listen to her and no one to jolly along.
 
She had dreamt of simple pleasures, had dreamt of simple things.
Of love and joy and emotions that could give her wings.
She could not understand why this would happen to her.
What wrong had she done, she thought million times over.
 
There was a silence about it that was too deafening.
To her, life no longer held any meaning.
But her tiny strong spirit urged her to try.
She promised to herself she would no longer cry.
 
She held her head high up against the burning sun.
She knew she was trapped there and had no where to run.
But she still told herself, she will not give up.
She will fight for her dream and live it up.

The day became bolder and the sun rose even higher.
The wind threw the sand that slapped her harder.
She could feel her petals losing their fresh color.
Her mouth was dry and she was draining out of ardor.

She longed for the dusk to come and rescue her.
Maybe that would be some relief from this torture.
But would the dusk make things right or soothe just for a while?
She knew it will be dawn again and it will hit her with all the might.

A tear still trickled down her pale cheek,
for she couldn’t help feel powerless and meek.
She now knew she would perish and no one could save her.
And with her would perish the dreams, the heart and the soul that made her.

The dusk put a blanket over, but it was too late.
She had worn out and had left everything to fate.
She took one last breath and closed her eyes.
Attempting one last time to answer her ‘Why’s?”

Light

Originally written on : 29th Dec 2009
 
It was bright. Sunshine all around. A morning as fresh as the dew in it. I could feel the cool breeze in my hair. On my face. Inside me. Stirring warmth. I took a deep breath. I could smell the trees around. 
 
 
We were walking together. On this peaceful morning. On the golden bridge. We weren’t holding hands, but we knew we could. And still it didn’t seem necessary. His presence by my side, walking together, was more than what I had ever wanted.¬†
 
 
I gazed into the sun. It was beautiful. I could see people around and I wondered for the umpteenth time, how would their lives be? Do they feel what I feel? Can they be sad and happy at the same time? Cry and laugh at the same time? Be silent on the surface but scream inside at the same time? 
 
 
I was lost in these thoughts. I saw him walking past by me. I wanted to call out his name. But somehow nothing came out of my throat. I stopped there looking at him. The every inch of distance that was increasing between us while he was walking ahead, I felt maybe everything was just an illusion. 
 
 
I looked at the water below. Calm. Cold. Inviting.
 
 
I could hear it say “I can fix it all for you”. It was deep and placid. It was holding up everything to me that would bring me the peace. The silence. The relief.¬†
 
 
I looked at him again. He was walking. Into the sunlight. With the breeze. If he could just turn around and smile at me..I waited.
 
 
I turned back. And now I was flying. I was a bird. Just that I didnt need to flap my wings. I could comfortably ignore all the noises. I had a smile. I could hear the wind in my ears. It sounded cheerful. My hair was flying. My legs were beating up against the wind. My hands stretched. Every cell in my body felt that invigorating exhilaration. The joy and the serenity. 
 
 
And I could see it all blue. It was cold. Cold to the extent that it could cut my bones. But I didn’t want to leave it. I wanted to go deeper. It was soothing. I wanted to go further. Push down a little bit more. Suddenly I became lighter. Floating up as if somebody was pulling me. But I couldn’t see who. I couldn’t feel the hold. I kept rising higher and higher.¬†
 
 
Then I opened my eyes. It was bright.